I have always loved a great sunrise. Something about it is so full of hope. As the darkness falls away and the rays light up the sky, dancing in the clouds, it’s like the world’s details start smiling as they grow brighter. But, I’ll never look at sunrises the same again. I love them even more now.
The words I read were loud.
“Have you recently had any of the following?”
Geographic Relocation. Check.
Employment Change. Check.
Loss of Close Friends due to a move. Check.
Loss of a Loved One. Check. 3.
Family Illness. Check.
Gee, I thought to myself, this list describes me right now. I’d been so busy living my life, I hadn’t realized it all.
Then I heard the words I thought I would never hear. “You could be depressed.”
How could I be depressed? I live in a world of bright colors and I love life. I didn’t even understand what it meant.
I wanted it to be wrong. I needed it to be wrong. After so much, I needed my life to resume it’s regularly scheduled program where I work hard and play even harder. But, I was stuck. And I was so stuck I didn’t even know how stuck I was. And that? It’s the worst kind of stuck there is.
My family needs me. My daughter needs me to be there for her as she navigates life. I needed me. I love being there for others. And now? I couldn’t even be there for myself, much less anyone else. I have dreams that wake me up in the morning, thinking of what school can be and what I believe in. The dreams were lost in a cloud of darkness. And the sun? It wasn’t even in sight.
So, I’ve worked on it. And I’m sharing more. Even if it’s uncomfortable. Especially because it’s uncomfortable.
And now?
The sun is back out. It’s brighter and more beautiful than anything I’ve even seen before. And it contains peace. The kind that lets you feel your own heart beating. That’ the thing about real joy. You might take it for granted, until it’s stolen from you. As the darkness falls away, those dreams I have are all still there, and even clearer than before. I’ve missed them.
The fear that the darkness will come back is there, but the courage to share my journey is bigger than that fear. I share because somewhere, someone will read this and hear the exact words I once needed to believe. You are going to be okay. The darkness will go away. And when you see the light around you again, you will feel it. And somehow, it will be brighter, sweeter, and even more full of joy than before. And this struggle you are in the midst of? It’s worth it.