I’ve always said that my daughter has made me a better teacher, but the truth is, she’s made me a better person.There is really nothing easy about being a working parent. Your home is always messier than you’d like it to be, your breakfasts are less grand and more cereal in a bag on the way to school. You have dinner from the drive through in the car some nights. You see “Pinterest life,” and you sometimes wonder if your own is falling so short that it makes you a failure at motherhood. It’s the mom guilt. Your heart sinks a little when your own mom has to step in for an open house or a classroom party that you just can’t be at. Sometimes your late nights at school events prevent you from tuck-ins and you get the pleasure of finding her when you sneak into her dimly lit bedroom and see her little face, sleeping peacefully under the glow of her nightlight. Every return from a conference trip is met with a giant hug, and lots of stories, and a twinge of guilt that you missed something while you were gone. You struggle like crazy to wrap things up at your own school, so you can be the mom who pops into the holiday party or shows up early with snack for a birthday… a snack you probably forgot to order because your to-do list is 18 pages long and have to run and pick up some expensive set of cupcakes at the local mini-mart on the way. You go to work feeling sick so you can save your personal days to be there for a field trip, and it’s so worth it.
You remember, all too clearly, that first day you drove to school, leaving your sweet baby in the arms of another, so that you could go do the work you believe in. You probably cried walking away, feeling like your heart was breaking. It was. You probably cried again when you reached into your purse at lunch and found that extra binkie. You wondered if that made you a horrible person, that you were pouring your heart into other people’s kids, and leaving your own baby behind.
But that just isn’t the way it was, or the way it is. That work you pour your heart into? They are your kids, too. Those colleagues you love? They are like family that you are on a big learning journey with. At some point, you just realize that your heart is big enough to love all of it. You realize it’s important. It matters. You are a mom who is doing work that she believes in. And that? It’s teaching your own child so very much. Whether you are a teacher, a principal, or in another field, it’s work that matters. She sees it. She sees you doing it all. She doesn’t care if life doesn’t look like “Pinterest life.” She sees something more. Something she won’t be able to put into words for many years likely.
Every kid I’ve cared for, every teacher I’ve worked with, every trip I’ve taken, and every crazy teaching adventure I’ve been on, I’ve always had one big hope. I hope that she sees what it all means. I hope that in my passion she learns to find her passion. I hope that she sees in my work and my art, I’m doing what I love and finding that thing in life that you love, the thing that drives you? It’s what life is about. I hope she understands that when I’m away on a trip, I miss her like crazy and her airport hugs, and the way my husband always takes care of things while I’m gone, are the best thing to come home to. I hope she knows that while I’ve been busy trying to teach her about life, she’s taught me even more. She’s taught me how to listen. She’s shown me what it means to pour your soul into something. She’s helped me see other perspectives in a while new way. She’s taught me that the little things matter most of all. Most of all? She has taught me to love bigger and dream farther. She’s taught me that life is built on broken hearts, Pokemon collections, chasing dreams, and catching fireflies. It’s love. It’s about what matters.
And that’s what happens. This post is titled, “What I hope I teach her…” and it was going to be all about being a mom, and what I hope I show her as I work hard in education and life. But it turns out that she’s the one who taught me so much more than I ever thought possible.
And that? It makes me grateful for every single moment. The happy, the hard, and everything in between. Because the love and the passion for life? It’s bigger than I ever imagined. And that’s been the most important lesson of all.